I have the flu. It’s spread by contact.
I caught something else. Inner conflict. It’s a bit like the
flu- stuff comes in from the outside- through contact- and the fight, the
somewhat invisible fight- goes on inside- the energies and ideas deemed as good
waging war on the energies and ideas deemed as bad- like some kind of virus
battling it all out.
I spent a week in contact.
Talking to people from around the world. Getting, owning,
and sometimes abhorring my own privileges while at the same time angry at all I
have had to work through for access. Embodying both the cause and effect of the
problem.
I made contact.
I spoke when it was hard and my voice was shaking. I exposed
my self to the stuff that leads to inner conflict. I said things of which I was
sure and unsure of in equal measure. I held hands and hearts and worked hard
not to drop either or my own.
I worked hard to make contact.
I worked so hard to connect at one point someone had to hold
me so I could reach and I did and I held on tight- my reach only possible
through the support of others.
I got the flu. It is one of the risks of contact.
I also got
so much more I learned that if I put my hand out there someone will reach just
as hard and we can connect.
The flu was headed my way anyway. Probably got it on
the plane or handing my passport over and taking it back. And I easily fall back into
my privileged calling my doctor, using my insurance, and having access to my resources
to get well.
But the other stuff- the other thing I caught- insight- the
stuff of inner turmoil and growth. I don’t have doctors and insurance for that-
this one is on me and I am letting it sink in and move me- move me to a better
wiser place as a woman, mother, sister, and a sister in the sisterhood, and
researcher. Eyes-wide, heart churning. The flu-I will recover. This other- bigger
stuff- stay, please stay and make me better for it.
I made contact.
Catherine
The Yoga Bag
#heretobe
