Dear Zuri,
You have been on my mind
again lately and I am wondering how you are spending your days. I know you have
been reading the book How Yoga Works
and I just finished it. I don’t know
many other people who have read it so I wanted to tell you about it. This book
is very powerful; although it reads like a bedtime story. If you would like, as
you read it in the future, you can picture me sitting right there reading it
with you; reading it to you. So here are some of my reflections about the book
and about what it was like to read the book.
I wonder if you are thinking something similar. I wonder if you understand
it the way I do. I wonder if you understand me.
For
as long as I can remember I have been a reader and therefore a thinker. On many
occasions I have been drawn to reading as a source of knowledge, adventure,
companionship, and solace. The more I read the more I believed I had learned
about the world. I have always preferred fiction to non-fiction because I feel
it is more honest and less confined. If I had read a non-fiction book about how
yoga works there is no question that my thoughts would be full of facts or
statistics about poses and history but something within myself would be
missing.
My original
thought about how yoga works, which may seem like a strange comparison, is that
it works like the rain dance. The rain dance always works because people do not
stop dancing until it rains. I realize now that yoga is much more complex than
this (as is the rain dance for that matter) however, there is something about
it that seems so simple and so logical. It appears to just work like magic.
In order to
fully understand How Yoga Works I
found myself reflecting greatly on how it does not work. It does not work with
American culture or French postmodern philosophy, both of which have greatly
influenced my life thus far. I have spent entirely too much time reading and
pondering books by Nietzsche, Sartre, Camus, Attwood and all their
contemporaries for a myriad of reasons; all of which are too lengthy to discuss
here. In short, I suppose that I believed they had answers to life, they could
tell me the secret and elucidate a world that seemed to make no sense. Something
in their words spoke to me. Somewhere in all the millions of words on thousands
of pages, I would find the peace and refuge to make sense of life. For a while
I honestly believed I had.
I learned
that individuals co-exist and live parallel to one another; we can try to
connect with others but this is impossible. We are closer to some than others
and we develop our preferences. Individualism is the greatest hope for
happiness; being self-sufficient will safeguard you from hardship or tragedy.
Life is a zero sum game; if you fail at something it is because you did not try
hard enough, you were not competitive enough, you did not want it enough, you
were weak and let your feelings for others get in the way. This is not how yoga works.
As I write
it down it all sounds so absurd-who would believe this? Whatever those
teachings were it does not matter because at the time they were exactly what I
needed. Along the way however, things I have encountered in my life, good, bad,
indifferent, started to not quite fit and I began to question, as I tend to do.
Little by little I branched out in different directions; some I was quite aware
of and others I would assume occurred by accident. Like a good existentialist I believed the
world had no order. Things merely are, there is no need to worry about justice
or why bad things happen. They just do. Upon reflection I would say I was
planting seeds, very small seeds. I was learning patience and kindness.
I remember
when I first glanced at How Yoga Works
I thought, “400 pages! I must be a masochist to take an elective with this
amount of work in my final semester!” Nonetheless, I am a person that when I
decide to do something I commit fully and therefore, I began the arduous task
of reading this absurdly long book. I also remember early on that I had no
schedule for reading it except that when I had a few minutes or if I were to
reach for one of my leisure books I would make the effort to read this book
instead.
I noted that the book seemed to be like a fortune cookie; I would
often read a section and say wow that is exactly what I was thinking or needed
to hear! Naturally, I believed that I must be exactly on schedule with my
reading and practice because I was following the same progression as the Captain.
This made me feel good. Next I noticed
in class that certain things Professor said during lecture or new aspects she
touched on in our practice were also things I was reading in the book and was
curious about. I found myself astonished at her precision and accuracy; she
must have taught using this book many, many times and can tell where we are at
in our reading and practice. I watched this wonderful, almost childlike story
unfold in front of me and I was hooked. I noticed the book popped up in many aspects
of my life, unlike other school and textbooks that only seemed applicable to my
work or academic life.
With self-attunement and mindful practice we
develop a secure attachment with ourselves. I wrote this down in my notes
one class and I have reflected on it many times; both in my everyday life and
my silent sitting. When I think about all the good that came from Friday
working with all the people in the jail, really it occurred because they each
began to reconnect with the self. Yes, she taught different poses and ideas but
in the end all those poses and ideas came naturally from the individual when
they were self-attuned and attached. One must go through the work of reconnecting
with the self, rather than working to suppress it or change it.
This is
very different work than I am used to. In fact I have worked very hard to
disconnect from myself in many ways. I must suppress the child in me so that I
can be an adult, I must change the woman inside me in order to be successful in
a masculine world, I must not pay attention to my intuition when the facts are
telling me something else. Yoga works because it allows the individual to
reconnect all these things, whatever they may be, and help shape not just the
individual but also the people around the individual. This reconnection sends
out ripples (or seeds) into the world that an individualist is just too close
to the puzzle to see.
I do not
think that my personal growth or new found connection to myself is equal to a
plan put into place 30 years ago to change an entire ancient empire but I do
think that this is exactly how yoga works. It is being open to that
possibility. The work I am doing right now (which at times makes very clear
sense and others makes no sense) is seemingly miniscule but I have noticed how
it has affected several people in my life in ways I had not anticipated; even
my dog seems calmer when I do my practice.
I am not
sure if I have fully answered the questions of how yoga works, but to me it is
starting to make sense. It has not been easy, as changing a worldview can be a
lifelong process, but I feel more aware of my place in the world, I feel less
reactive, and I am open to the idea that perhaps this life is not nearly as
random or meaningless as I have perceived it to be. I think the most important
lesson in this book is the instillation of hope. Whether you are a Prince
undercover or a woman on a journey, whatever this seemingly random world throws
your way you can always choose to be hopeful.
I hope this
letter finds you well Zuri and I look forward to talking in the future. Please
remember you are never alone (even when there is not a soul in sight).
Love,
Rachel
Purchase "How Yoga Works" Here!
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