Monday, February 5, 2018

The Risks of Contact

I have the flu. It’s spread by contact.

I caught something else. Inner conflict. It’s a bit like the flu- stuff comes in from the outside- through contact- and the fight, the somewhat invisible fight- goes on inside- the energies and ideas deemed as good waging war on the energies and ideas deemed as bad- like some kind of virus battling it all out.

I spent a week in contact.

Talking to people from around the world. Getting, owning, and sometimes abhorring my own privileges while at the same time angry at all I have had to work through for access. Embodying both the cause and effect of the problem.  

I made contact.

I spoke when it was hard and my voice was shaking. I exposed my self to the stuff that leads to inner conflict. I said things of which I was sure and unsure of in equal measure. I held hands and hearts and worked hard not to drop either or my own.

I worked hard to make contact.

I worked so hard to connect at one point someone had to hold me so I could reach and I did and I held on tight- my reach only possible through the support of others.

I got the flu. It is one of the risks of contact. 

I also got so much more I learned that if I put my hand out there someone will reach just as hard and we can connect. 

The flu was headed my way anyway. Probably got it on the plane or handing my passport over and taking it back. And I easily fall back into my privileged calling my doctor, using my insurance, and having access to my resources to get well.

But the other stuff- the other thing I caught- insight- the stuff of inner turmoil and growth. I don’t have doctors and insurance for that- this one is on me and I am letting it sink in and move me- move me to a better wiser place as a woman, mother, sister, and a sister in the sisterhood, and researcher. Eyes-wide, heart churning. The flu-I will recover. This other- bigger stuff- stay, please stay and make me better for it.

I made contact.

The Yoga Bag