Consider that You are Strong Enough to Feel

Consider that You are Strong Enough to Feel

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

“Instead of being embarrassed or ashamed that you have struggled,

consider that you were brave enough to feel.

Consider that the struggle is a sign

that you need tools

to feel at the depth that you feel.

Consider how keeping the depth

and gaining skill in the effective tools

(things like yoga, mindfulness, and self-care)

will move you from struggle

to someone

who could possibly help change this world

 into a better and safer place

for all of us.”

Catherine Cook-Cottone,

Facebook post 3/6/2015

The insight above came to me on my yoga mat today.

I believe that shame, denial, and suppression of feelings is dangerous.

I have struggled and some days I feel like I am one bad decision away from being right back in the struggle. It is that exact awareness that keeps me empowered and effective. Shame and embarrassment about the fact that I have struggled helps me and others pretend and deny. I believe that pretending and denying are the main obstacles to the creation of a safer and better world for all of us.

It goes wide and deep. If I really feel all that is going on: in my own life; in the lives of those I love and care for; in the neighborhood in which I live; for those that are near (Genesee and Doat as in our Yogis in Service program); within the state, the country, the other countries, and world; and on this Earth- ugh- it is a lot, maybe too much.

But what if I don’t? What if you don’t? What if we don’t?

If we don’t feel, really feel what is going on in our lives and on our Earth we can continue to pretend that we don’t notice all of the very serious matters in which we all need to be in action about. I can’t change the world. You can’t change the world. Not alone. Yet, I ask, what if we each did our own little part? What if we let ourselves feel and then moved on what moves us?

Look at this- the breakdown of the word emotion:

E (energy) + MOTION =

compulsion to move, to make things happen, to be at cause.

We need to feel to make things happen. We need to feel to heal. We need to feel to stay motivated. Sadly, the answer that is delivered to us in the media and by our culture has been to not feel. In fact, be embarrassed by your big, ugly feelings. Instead- escape, distract, self-medicate, dim your experiences so that you don’t get too overwhelmed. I get it. I have done it. Feeling it all is nothing short of overwhelming.

Still, I refuse not to feel.

Read this excerpt from the recent New York Times piece:

Medicating Women’s Feelings

[By JULIE HOLLANDFEB. 28, 2015]

“WOMEN are moody. By evolutionary design, we are hard-wired to be sensitive to our environments, empathic to our children’s needs and intuitive of our partners’ intentions. This is basic to our survival and that of our offspring. Some research suggests that women are often better at articulating their feelings than men because as the female brain develops, more capacity is reserved for language, memory, hearing and observing emotions in others.

These are observations rooted in biology, not intended to mesh with any kind of pro- or anti-feminist ideology. But they do have social implications. Women’s emotionality is a sign of health, not disease; it is a source of power. But we are under constant pressure to restrain our emotional lives. We have been taught to apologize for our tears, to suppress our anger and to fear being called hysterical.

The pharmaceutical industry plays on that fear, targeting women in a barrage of advertising on daytime talk shows and in magazines. More Americans are on psychiatric medications than ever before, and in my experience they are staying on them far longer than was ever intended…..”

Read more here…

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/01/opinion/sunday/medicating-womens-feelings.html?_r=0

So, if we are BRAVE ENOUGH and COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to feel- we are going to feel-- A LOT. Because we are built that way.

Then what? Be overwhelmed. Sit, raw with our overwhelm? Have symptoms and struggle? Drink? Use? Self-medicate?

No. A BIG resounding NO!

Process your feelings. Be in Self-care. Be in Action. E- Motion.

Let the energy move through you. There is nothing to change or avoid. Feel it. Then, nurture yourself. Do yoga, Run with Friends. Move and be in your body. Next, select how you will be in action ON PURPOSE. Yes. BE ON YOUR PURPOSE (see all my posts on Dharma and your reason for being).

I am asking to you honor your ability to feel deeply. Consider that you are, in fact, strong enough to feel. Let your struggle serve as your road sign, your guidepost to let you know that you need tools. You need tools because this is big and we need to do something about it. Then, get support, be in self-care, and take action.

In this way, you will be part of the making-things-right in the world. You will be part of creating a safer and better place for us all. Don’t leave yourself. Because when you leave you, you leave us….

and we need you.

Big, deep feelings of love and Namaste,

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

Man’s Search for Meaning: Being on Purpose

Man’s Search for Meaning: Being on Purpose

The Yoga Bag

Catherine Cook-Cottone

From
http://merchantstand.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/LifeOffer.jpg

Viktor Frankl was inspired to write Man’s Search for Meaning after internment and substantial, inconceivable loss in Nazi Germany. What he explained remains true today. We, us humans, are driven- by our nature- to find meaning. 

How do we know this? There is evidence everywhere. We were and are driven to create and use language. We are the only species to manifest and appreciate art. We are compelled to write and read poetry, novels, and blogs. We say things like, “That is not what I mean!” and feel very passionate about it. We are in our essence containers of meaning. Our sheer presence is a holder in space of everything that has happened to us, as well as everything that will happen to us. We are meaning makers, truth tellers, and holders of the story. 

I tell this to my yoga classes all of the time: 

“You were born with three things-

 (1) YOUR BODY (the physical thinking and feeling self), 

 (2) YOUR SOUL (the spiritual and essential self), and 

 (3) YOUR DHARMA (the reason the physical and essential come together).”

So, DHARMA is your reason for being- your- ON PURPOSE- in your life. It is as much part of you as your body. You can’t ignore it. You need it like breath. 

Consider this- no matter what- humans seek meaning. 

Consider this- if you do not cultivate positive meaning in your life- there is an empty spot.

Consider this- if you don't fill this spot- it will be filled for you. 

So what happens? What risk is created when you don’t seek out your dharma on purpose? A few things can happen, for example:

You can languish. Positive psychology people describe languishing as the place that you hold when you are not necessarily sick and not necessarily thriving. You just are. It’s not good or bad. You just are. 

You can get sick. This might show up as risk for depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorder, dysfunctional relationships, school failure, etc.. 

And there is this….. You can find illusionary meaning in hatred. I am going to talk about this one for a bit.

Hate, for me (and informed “people” like Webster), can be shown by this math:  

judgment + deep anger + hostility = hatred

I am not talking about passion for community change that is inspired by the witnessing of something that is not okay. I applaud this type of passion. No, I am talking about HATRED. It is out there and it is important to be able to see it and know it for what it is. You can see hatred on television, on your computer, and in the verbal narratives of people that you encounter. When someone is caught up in hatred, you will notice that they hold this as very meaningful.  

And I ask, is it? Is it meaningful? Or does it give us the illusion that we have found meaning in our lives?” Why would Viktor Frankl come out of the hell of Nazi Germany and write Man’s Search for Meaning? I argue that what he found in himself  (i.e., meaning from a place of love) was the anecdote to what was missing in his context.

When we long for meaning, are afraid, feel lost, and we forget to (a) consult with our soul or (b) cultivate the necessary meaning in our lives from a place of love- we are at risk for getting passionate about fear and judgment. We are at risk for getting passionate about hate. It feels good and solid to land there. And some of us, well, we get stuck there. 

If you have been alive for any amount of time, you know that some aspects of life are hard. There are moments and events that can be down right terrifying.  Sometimes life can be so difficult, in fact, that we cannot breathe. In these times of challenge and stress, the truth is that anger is much more palatable than fear, judgment feels meaningful, and-- AHHHHH there it is- I hate this, that, you, and/or them. I have good reason (please refer back to my judgment). Now, I can talk about it. Post about it. Maybe even be in action about it. 

When humans don’t have an ON PURPOSE SENSE OF MEANING that comes from a place of LOVE- we are at high risk for thinking that hate and judgment are meaningful and actionable. We are at high risk for creating us and them and/or blame dialogues. We are at high risk for fighting for our group and fearing your group. We are at risk for hate. 

I have been working in private practice, researching at the university, and teaching yoga for a long time now. I can say from deep felt experience, lots of reading, and working with many people (including myself) that hatred and judgment have never cured or helped anything. I can also say that love and acceptance have helped many. People that come from a place of love in their dharma are healthier and happier- they thrive. More than that, they make a difference. When you live from love and purpose, you win and we all win. 

So- you need meaning. Why? Because you are human. And- if you don’t cultivate it on your own- ON PURPOSE- from a place of LOVE- you are increasing your risk for languishing, some types of mental illness, and the illusion that judgment and hatred are meaningful. 

So CHOOSE- and I hope you choose love. Better- I hope you choose to live ON PURPOSE from a place of LOVE. Not only will do you do better and feel better, you will inspire others. You will make a difference. That is a journey that will bring you health, happiness, and fruits beyond measure. On your way, please come find me. I am walking that way too. 

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

Letter to Zuri-- I lived in a neighborhood segregated by caste...

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Namaste Zuri,

A long time ago, I used to live in a neighborhood that was segregated by caste. Walk a few streets from my home and you would arrive at slums where the ‘untouchables’ lived. As a child I made many friends there and they are some of the kindest, smartest people I have met to date. I have worked very hard to communicate my deep appreciation of equality and rejection of the idea of caste segregation.

Even as I write to you, I remember it uncomfortably because it was filled with unfairness. It was painful to watch the struggles of the lower caste people just because they were not allowed to take up certain occupations or go to a certain school because of their scheduled caste. There is also a societal understanding of physical features that go with each caste. Members of the upper caste would most likely be fair, have a high bridged nose structure and would look very prosperous in terms of nutrition and health as opposed to the lower caste people. All of these man-made characteristics created a society that would work to dominate and/or suppress the ones who did not fit the bill. This is what I thought of immediately when I read about some of the hurtful things the students at your school said to you in the cafeteria. I know how you must have felt. But you can choose to feel otherwise.

I made it a choice to dine, study and play with friends from every caste from the day I understood how this system worked. I have found it to be very gratifying and painful at times. Painful especially when friends from higher castes would turn me down because of my liberal ways of associating with the ‘others’. But, I have always found it gratifying. 

You see Zuri, there will always be negativity around us, whether it is a parent struggling with substance addictions, a brother who is never present, negative impressions of body image or a societal construct that works to suppress her people. I have always believed that when the going gets tough, the answers very often lie deep within us. Look inside yourself and recognize that both happiness and sorrow dwell within you. 

You have a choice, choose happiness over suffering and bring your attention back to dharma instead of falsehood. 

I must ask that you consider wishing well upon Eric, for seeing his demise before his death removes the possibility of the purpose of his life for himself and takes you far from your dharma. Be kind to him, for the kindness will take you closer to him and in doing so- you will find yourself.  

I wish you well.

Your friend