Consider that You are Strong Enough to Feel

Consider that You are Strong Enough to Feel

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

“Instead of being embarrassed or ashamed that you have struggled,

consider that you were brave enough to feel.

Consider that the struggle is a sign

that you need tools

to feel at the depth that you feel.

Consider how keeping the depth

and gaining skill in the effective tools

(things like yoga, mindfulness, and self-care)

will move you from struggle

to someone

who could possibly help change this world

 into a better and safer place

for all of us.”

Catherine Cook-Cottone,

Facebook post 3/6/2015

The insight above came to me on my yoga mat today.

I believe that shame, denial, and suppression of feelings is dangerous.

I have struggled and some days I feel like I am one bad decision away from being right back in the struggle. It is that exact awareness that keeps me empowered and effective. Shame and embarrassment about the fact that I have struggled helps me and others pretend and deny. I believe that pretending and denying are the main obstacles to the creation of a safer and better world for all of us.

It goes wide and deep. If I really feel all that is going on: in my own life; in the lives of those I love and care for; in the neighborhood in which I live; for those that are near (Genesee and Doat as in our Yogis in Service program); within the state, the country, the other countries, and world; and on this Earth- ugh- it is a lot, maybe too much.

But what if I don’t? What if you don’t? What if we don’t?

If we don’t feel, really feel what is going on in our lives and on our Earth we can continue to pretend that we don’t notice all of the very serious matters in which we all need to be in action about. I can’t change the world. You can’t change the world. Not alone. Yet, I ask, what if we each did our own little part? What if we let ourselves feel and then moved on what moves us?

Look at this- the breakdown of the word emotion:

E (energy) + MOTION =

compulsion to move, to make things happen, to be at cause.

We need to feel to make things happen. We need to feel to heal. We need to feel to stay motivated. Sadly, the answer that is delivered to us in the media and by our culture has been to not feel. In fact, be embarrassed by your big, ugly feelings. Instead- escape, distract, self-medicate, dim your experiences so that you don’t get too overwhelmed. I get it. I have done it. Feeling it all is nothing short of overwhelming.

Still, I refuse not to feel.

Read this excerpt from the recent New York Times piece:

Medicating Women’s Feelings

[By JULIE HOLLANDFEB. 28, 2015]

“WOMEN are moody. By evolutionary design, we are hard-wired to be sensitive to our environments, empathic to our children’s needs and intuitive of our partners’ intentions. This is basic to our survival and that of our offspring. Some research suggests that women are often better at articulating their feelings than men because as the female brain develops, more capacity is reserved for language, memory, hearing and observing emotions in others.

These are observations rooted in biology, not intended to mesh with any kind of pro- or anti-feminist ideology. But they do have social implications. Women’s emotionality is a sign of health, not disease; it is a source of power. But we are under constant pressure to restrain our emotional lives. We have been taught to apologize for our tears, to suppress our anger and to fear being called hysterical.

The pharmaceutical industry plays on that fear, targeting women in a barrage of advertising on daytime talk shows and in magazines. More Americans are on psychiatric medications than ever before, and in my experience they are staying on them far longer than was ever intended…..”

Read more here…

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/01/opinion/sunday/medicating-womens-feelings.html?_r=0

So, if we are BRAVE ENOUGH and COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to feel- we are going to feel-- A LOT. Because we are built that way.

Then what? Be overwhelmed. Sit, raw with our overwhelm? Have symptoms and struggle? Drink? Use? Self-medicate?

No. A BIG resounding NO!

Process your feelings. Be in Self-care. Be in Action. E- Motion.

Let the energy move through you. There is nothing to change or avoid. Feel it. Then, nurture yourself. Do yoga, Run with Friends. Move and be in your body. Next, select how you will be in action ON PURPOSE. Yes. BE ON YOUR PURPOSE (see all my posts on Dharma and your reason for being).

I am asking to you honor your ability to feel deeply. Consider that you are, in fact, strong enough to feel. Let your struggle serve as your road sign, your guidepost to let you know that you need tools. You need tools because this is big and we need to do something about it. Then, get support, be in self-care, and take action.

In this way, you will be part of the making-things-right in the world. You will be part of creating a safer and better place for us all. Don’t leave yourself. Because when you leave you, you leave us….

and we need you.

Big, deep feelings of love and Namaste,

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

Man’s Search for Meaning: Being on Purpose

Man’s Search for Meaning: Being on Purpose

The Yoga Bag

Catherine Cook-Cottone

From
http://merchantstand.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/LifeOffer.jpg

Viktor Frankl was inspired to write Man’s Search for Meaning after internment and substantial, inconceivable loss in Nazi Germany. What he explained remains true today. We, us humans, are driven- by our nature- to find meaning. 

How do we know this? There is evidence everywhere. We were and are driven to create and use language. We are the only species to manifest and appreciate art. We are compelled to write and read poetry, novels, and blogs. We say things like, “That is not what I mean!” and feel very passionate about it. We are in our essence containers of meaning. Our sheer presence is a holder in space of everything that has happened to us, as well as everything that will happen to us. We are meaning makers, truth tellers, and holders of the story. 

I tell this to my yoga classes all of the time: 

“You were born with three things-

 (1) YOUR BODY (the physical thinking and feeling self), 

 (2) YOUR SOUL (the spiritual and essential self), and 

 (3) YOUR DHARMA (the reason the physical and essential come together).”

So, DHARMA is your reason for being- your- ON PURPOSE- in your life. It is as much part of you as your body. You can’t ignore it. You need it like breath. 

Consider this- no matter what- humans seek meaning. 

Consider this- if you do not cultivate positive meaning in your life- there is an empty spot.

Consider this- if you don't fill this spot- it will be filled for you. 

So what happens? What risk is created when you don’t seek out your dharma on purpose? A few things can happen, for example:

You can languish. Positive psychology people describe languishing as the place that you hold when you are not necessarily sick and not necessarily thriving. You just are. It’s not good or bad. You just are. 

You can get sick. This might show up as risk for depression, anxiety, addiction, eating disorder, dysfunctional relationships, school failure, etc.. 

And there is this….. You can find illusionary meaning in hatred. I am going to talk about this one for a bit.

Hate, for me (and informed “people” like Webster), can be shown by this math:  

judgment + deep anger + hostility = hatred

I am not talking about passion for community change that is inspired by the witnessing of something that is not okay. I applaud this type of passion. No, I am talking about HATRED. It is out there and it is important to be able to see it and know it for what it is. You can see hatred on television, on your computer, and in the verbal narratives of people that you encounter. When someone is caught up in hatred, you will notice that they hold this as very meaningful.  

And I ask, is it? Is it meaningful? Or does it give us the illusion that we have found meaning in our lives?” Why would Viktor Frankl come out of the hell of Nazi Germany and write Man’s Search for Meaning? I argue that what he found in himself  (i.e., meaning from a place of love) was the anecdote to what was missing in his context.

When we long for meaning, are afraid, feel lost, and we forget to (a) consult with our soul or (b) cultivate the necessary meaning in our lives from a place of love- we are at risk for getting passionate about fear and judgment. We are at risk for getting passionate about hate. It feels good and solid to land there. And some of us, well, we get stuck there. 

If you have been alive for any amount of time, you know that some aspects of life are hard. There are moments and events that can be down right terrifying.  Sometimes life can be so difficult, in fact, that we cannot breathe. In these times of challenge and stress, the truth is that anger is much more palatable than fear, judgment feels meaningful, and-- AHHHHH there it is- I hate this, that, you, and/or them. I have good reason (please refer back to my judgment). Now, I can talk about it. Post about it. Maybe even be in action about it. 

When humans don’t have an ON PURPOSE SENSE OF MEANING that comes from a place of LOVE- we are at high risk for thinking that hate and judgment are meaningful and actionable. We are at high risk for creating us and them and/or blame dialogues. We are at high risk for fighting for our group and fearing your group. We are at risk for hate. 

I have been working in private practice, researching at the university, and teaching yoga for a long time now. I can say from deep felt experience, lots of reading, and working with many people (including myself) that hatred and judgment have never cured or helped anything. I can also say that love and acceptance have helped many. People that come from a place of love in their dharma are healthier and happier- they thrive. More than that, they make a difference. When you live from love and purpose, you win and we all win. 

So- you need meaning. Why? Because you are human. And- if you don’t cultivate it on your own- ON PURPOSE- from a place of LOVE- you are increasing your risk for languishing, some types of mental illness, and the illusion that judgment and hatred are meaningful. 

So CHOOSE- and I hope you choose love. Better- I hope you choose to live ON PURPOSE from a place of LOVE. Not only will do you do better and feel better, you will inspire others. You will make a difference. That is a journey that will bring you health, happiness, and fruits beyond measure. On your way, please come find me. I am walking that way too. 

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

Dear Yoga.... A Thank You Letter to a Good Friend

Dear Yoga,

I saw you, a beautiful expression of the human soul, way back in California where I grew up. It was the 1970s and you were hanging around with the cool kids. My mom called them hippies. I was a little afraid of you because my dad was serving as a Naval pilot in the Vietnam War. Your friends, the hippies, were calling the war and (it seemed) my dad-- bad. Years later in graduate school, I came to understand the powerful role you and your friends played in our country back then. But as a little kid, I did not know. It was confusing. And, still, you were so beautiful.

Photo from: http://www.weddingbee.com

As we drove by in our white station wagon, my nose fogging the window, my forehead on the glass, I looked out at you. You and your friends, the hippies and Hare Krishnas with flowers in your hands and hair, white robes and jeans that flared at the bottom were at the parks and by the apartments. As I watched, I felt like I knew you. My mom shook her head. “Who are they?” I wondered.

One day, in the same old white station wagon, my mom had the radio on and there it was, “Escape (The Pina Colada Song).” We all sang along, my brother, my sister, and me.

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. 
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain.”

And ……

And you left, yoga, with the hippies and the Hare Krishnas and the war.

We moved to the East coast and I entered middle school. There would be fleeting images of you on the public television channel. I saw you and didn’t speak of you.

I got sick a little after that. It was the 1980s. I wonder now if I would have gotten sick if we had met before then. There was a lot of stress and I decided that being dangerously thin would help me cope. It didn’t. Man, I wish you were there.

I ran. I swam. I made bad choices, super bad choices.

You were nowhere to be found.

It was sometime in college that I started seeing you around again. You had new friends. They didn’t look like the hippies you used to hang around with. These people were nothing short of gorgeous. It made sense, just like my Cosmopolitan Magazine made sense. The pretty people surrounded you. You were still this beautiful expression of the soul. I felt it somehow. Yet, in a new way, you remained as inaccessible to me as when you were surrounded by the hippies.

Not only were your new friends handsome, they had raw talent. The poses you guys were doing were far beyond anything my tight hamstrings and medium build frame could manage. I saw you and your new friends like I saw ballet dancers. You were the other people- the lucky ones. I was sad I was not like you. And I was still sick.

Now that you were one of the populars, you were everywhere. You even got your own magazine, Yoga Journal. Turns out, you had your own magazine since 1975, but now…. You and your Journal had made it big. You had fancy friends like Rodney Yee, Seane Corn, Baron Baptiste, and Bryan Kest. The cover was adorned by other beautiful populars doing poses that people like me believed that they could never do. I was still sad that I was not like you and your friends. Truth be told, I was still sick.

I had admired you from afar for so long that I decided to get to know you intellectually. I read all about you- your American past, your eight-limbs, and your struggles (see The Subtle Body http://www.amazon.com/The-Subtle-Body-Story-America/dp/B0058M5TWO and The Great Oom- http://www.amazon.com/The-Great-Oom-Improbable-America/dp/B004KAB528). If there had been a Facebook back then, I would have secretly watched your page. I wanted to know you.

In the late 1990s, a friend encouraged me to go to party where you’d be (i.e., a yoga class). She said, “I know you guys would love each other.” I declined many times. I had been put in the back row of dance class my whole life. I didn’t think anyone like you would want to talk to anyone like me. I was a runner. You were yoga. No- it would not work.

She persisted. I went.

It was somewhere in the second half hour of class that I realized that the image that I had seen of you over the years was as false as the idealized image that I had tried to force my body into-- the media-propagated idealized version of things.

Yoga, you were so kind. You were accepting. You were comforting. You were fun. You didn’t care about my hamstrings. You connected to everyone in class- not just the populars, the pretty people, and the ones who could do all the poses. You really didn’t care. Sure they all liked you- who wouldn’t- you are great. But you seemed interested in something much more valuable than the external bodies and shapes that were in the room. You, yoga, cared about what was inside- my heart, my wounds, my soul.

Cautious, I invited you to be part of my research team- on a purely scientific level. Once in a while, we’d hang out. But, I wasn’t sure about you. I had trust issues. I also had running and red wine. A person can only have so many close friends. Things can get unmanageable, you know.

I could not deny it. You were fabulous in research. You helped me prevent eating disorder symptoms among girls in middle school. You helped me decrease eating disorder symptoms among young women in college. You were therapeutic. The more we hung out on research team, the more I began to let down my walls.

I started hanging out at your place- yoga studios, the YMCA, the Himalayan Institute. You were so patient and no matter how long it had been since I was around, you opened your arms and welcomed me. You offered me sun salutations, warriors, and savasanas. Years passed. There have been so many truly wonderful times.

We are so close now. You are one of the most important aspects of my life.

It is strange that I am writing you. We were just together yesterday. It is that I want you to know, in writing, what you mean to me. You help me make the healthy choices. You know and love the real me in all my doubts and limitations and strengths. You are always there. You ask nothing and give everything.

My mom always said, “You know love is real when you make each other better.” 

I love you, yoga. I know you love me. I know you love how I share your teachings with complete and utter joy. I know you love how I take your life altering practices to people who can’t afford the fancy places. I know you love how you and I have shown through research how truly amazing you are. We really were meant to be together.

I feel like somehow I knew, way back in California, that you were going to change my life.

Thank you for waiting for me to find my way.

I love you Yoga.

Thank you,

Catherine Cook-Cottone

The Yoga Bag

Preparing for Your 108 Sun Salutations

by Steve Procknal

Yogis in Service, 2015

To prepare for a 2+hour  practice/exercise (e.g., 108 Sun Sals). 

•   Just eat normally leading up to that day, maybe increase your calories a bit but nothing major. 

•   You do not need to eat some massive carb meal the night before, that will only hurt you the next day because your body will still be breaking that down and trying to eliminate it. 

•   Trying to drink excessive water leading up to that day to hydrate won't be additionally beneficial. 

•   Add a bit more fluids each day, a bit more than normal and a bit more calories/carbs and you will be fine. 

•   The day of: I would eat a nice balanced full breakfast, get fats, carbs and protein. Examples. Oatmeal and fruit. Nut butter and toast with a banana. A green smoothie. Eggs, toast and fruit. Something along the lines of that. Keep it on the lighter side. 

•   Start increasing your water a bit early on in the day. Something like 2 water bottles before noon. Have another done before 3pm.

•   Have a snack late morning. Greek Yogurt, some almonds or brasil nuts or dried fruit, or fruit. 

•   Then, the key is to eat your next meal before 1:30, whatever you normally eat for lunch that works for you.  

•   Have a small snack about an 60-90 min before 4:30 PM. Dates are great. A handful of granola. 1/2 an Avocado with a little bit of salt. Celery is a great natural electrolyte (e.g., maybe celery and a touch of hummus). 

•   During practice make sure you have a water bottle to hold enough water, either choose an electrolyte drink you always use or grab another brand, Vega products are  good. Coconut water. Water is fine for at least an hour, your body doesn't really need to get any extra calories until after an hour of strenuous exercise. So even if you brought a Date or two, an energy gel, half a banana and took that half way through you will be fine. Depending on how long you have been doing yoga you may not need anything. Our bodies become efficient when we do the same exercises and we don't need as much. 

•   Post work out your most important thing is to replenish the carbs you lost, not protein. About 4 Grams carbs to every 1 Gram of protein. Or you can grab whatever makes you feel good. Get some carbs first and then add some protein. 

•   Drink plenty of fluids later and you will be fine. You can add a touch more salt to your food to replenish your salts lost. (I know this sounds serious, I am just giving you the broad facts so you can take what you need for you). 

Mostly, HAVE FUN and eat and drink enough. You can always take a break in child's pose and grab a drink at the water fountain. We will be pausing at 1/2 for drink and bathrooms. 

Can't wait to see you there!

The Sun Salutation Team, 

Mary Beth, Catherine, and Steve