Letters to Zuri

Letters to Zuri

If you'd like to write a letter to Zuri to be posted on this blog, please email me a word document to cpcook@buffalo.edu. I will review your letter, edit if needed, and post it for Zuri. You can do this by name or anonymously if you'd like. 

I hope you send her a letter. 

Things you could write about-- 

1. Your reflections on a post
2. Support for what Zuri is going through
3. Your own experience with yoga and life
4. Growing up a child of an alcoholic
5. Growing up in poverty and/or in urban stress/trauma
6. Body image, eating disorders, and yoga
7. Substance abuse, trauma, and yoga
7. Propose something to me at cpcook@buffalo.edu

See Link: http://theyogabag.blogspot.com/p/the-yoga-bag.html

Yoga Sutra 1.2: Pain is real, so why add suffering? (sometimes a glass of wine is just a glass of wine)

Yoga Sutra 1.2: Pain is real, so why add suffering? (sometimes a glass of wine is just a glass of wine)

Zuri sees Miss Ely at the Mall

Zuri’s Aunt Jasmine, the one who works at the bank downtown, takes Zuri to the mall a couple of times a year to buy some school clothes and have a nice dinner. It is one of Zuri’s favorite things. Her life feels so normal when she and Aunt Jasmine are walking through the stores, bags in hand, trying to decide what restaurant to go to.

Zuri and her Aunt Jasmine spent time in all of Zuri’s favorite stores. Her feet were getting tired. This afternoon she got a new pair of jeans and some really cute long sleeve shirts for fall. Zuri likes the sleeves really long so that she can pull them down over her hands when it get’s cold in school (and at home). She sneaks long looks at her aunt. She sees Aunt Jasmine’s bright smile, her beautiful skin, and her warmth. Zuri is so happy Jasmine doesn’t drink like her mom does. Zuri’s Aunt Jasmine explained to Zuri that their grandmother drank so much that she eventually became very sick and had to go live in a special place. Zuri wonders if it was rehab—like Jayla’s mom—but she is afraid to ask. She sort of doesn’t want to know.

They decide to go the Cheesecake Factory, which is super great. There is long line and they wait. It is a huge place and she starts people watching. Zuri sees Miss Ely from School, her science teacher. Miss Ely is laughing and smiling and talking to a man. It seems like she is on a date. Oh no—wine, a glass of wine. Zuri’s heart sinks. Miss Ely has a glass of wine. I see Zuri’s face drop, feel her heart drop. She looks away fast and lowers her eyes. She feels ashamed, somehow, for seeing Miss Ely drinking. Its weird but she feels like she did something wrong, like she is bad for seeing.

Their buzzer goes off. Their table is ready. Zuri can hardly breathe. Her mind is racing. She is terrified, “Oh Gosh!” They are walking right by Miss Ely.

“Zuri! Hi!” Miss Ely says as she stands up to greet Zuri.

Zuri feels shy, “Hi Miss Ely.” Long pause here…….

“Hi, I am Zuri’s Aunt Jasmine,” her aunt interjects.

“Zuri is one of my most favorite students. She is such a bright girl. She is going to do whatever she sets her mind to! It is so good to see you Zuri and so nice to meet you Jasmine.”

“You too.” Says Zuri’s Aunt Jasmine. “We won’t keep you. Enjoy your dinner.”

“Goodnight Zuri. See you in school.”

Zuri struggles to smile, head down. They are shown to their table deep into the dining room, far away from Miss Ely.

Zuri’s aunt asks her what is wrong. Zuri won’t say. She is so sad about Miss Ely and the wine. Her aunt presses, “Zuri, girl, what is it?”

Zuri explains how she feels. She says that she is so worried about her mom and that she hates alcohol. She said that she is so sad that Miss Ely is drinking too. Getting it, Zuri's aunt explains that for some people wine is okay. She says that it’s tricky, but that for some people it is perfectly okay to have a glass or two of wine. She explains that some people don’t get addicted and that they don’t struggle. She explained that alcoholism doesn’t run in some families like it does in theirs.

So, she explains, just because Zuri saw Miss Ely drinking wine, it does not mean, necessarily, that Miss Ely is an alcoholic.

At home and in bed, reading her Yoga Sutras (yes, she thinks- I WILL read this whole thing). She reads sutra 1.2 about the turning of the mind. She wonders if she was doing just what the sutra was saying at the mall when she saw Miss Ely.

She thought it through. She saw miss Ely and then her mind quickly judged what she saw. Right away, Zuri thought that what she saw was very bad. Then, her mind starting running on the ideas. Her thoughts went deeper into the implications of what she saw and how bad it was. Her mind kept turning and thinking until she got to feeling-- not just bad, but that she, she was bad.

It was like these sutras explained. And she noticed that as her aunt clarified that it was all okay, she could go back to just seeing Miss Ely and not judging and not being afraid, sad, or shamed. “Wow” Zuri thought. “There is a lot to learn here.” Sleepy, she sets down her Yoga Sturas and closes her eyes thinking good thoughts about Miss Ely.

The Process:

Sutra 1.2 Yogash chitta virtti nirodhah

Here are three of the interpretations:

1.     We become whole by stopping the turning of the mind (Roach & McNally, 2005)

2.     Yoga is the control of the thought-waves of the mind (Prabhavananda & Isherwood; 1953)

3.     Yoga is the stilling of the changing states of mind (Bryant, 2009) 

According to Roach and McNally (2005), these are the most important words in the entire Yoga Sutra. Similarly, Bryant (2009) suggests that Patanjali has nearly summarized the entire system of yoga in this sutra.

Roach and McNallly (2005) tell us that pain is real and truly does hurt us, but the turning of the mind can add to this pain.

Prabhavananda and Isherwood (1953) break it down into steps:

Step 1: Manas- receives impressions gathered by senses from the world outside of us.

Step 2: Buddhi- classifies impressions and reacts to them (e.g., This is good or bad, safe or unsafe, pleasant or unpleasant).

Step 3: Ahamkar- claims impressions (i.e., I see) and stores them as one’s own knowledge (i.e., I know).

For Zuri, this would be like this.

Step 1: I see Miss Ely drinking (the seeing).

Step 2: Drinking is bad. When my mom is drinking bad things happen. Miss Ely’s drinking is bad (the classifying).

Step 3: I know this. I am going to get stressed. Miss Ely might not show up for work. She might not be okay. I feel bad for seeing her. I am wrong for seeing her (i.e., knowing and identification).

It is the false identification (see step 3) that can add suffering to pain (Prabhavananda & Isherwood; 1953). In a similar way this process is described in the post on the Buddhist Psychological Model (see previous post).  http://theyogabag.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-buddhist-psychological-model.html

For Zuri, it could also be like this.

Step 1: I see Miss Ely drinking (the seeing).

Step 2: It may be good it may be bad. I don’t know. Some people are okay with wine. I don’t need to decide right now if this is okay or not (the classifying).

Step 3: I am just at the mall with my Aunt Jasmine. I am happy. I am getting ready to eat cheesecake. I am a little girl who saw her teacher and that is that (not-self, non-attachment).

It is not easy to stop the turnings of the mind. As Zuri, you, and I go through the Yoga Sutras we will learn lots of ways to stop the turnings of the mind. For us, Patanjali provides a path, an 8-limb path, toward self-regulation and peace of mind. Sutra 1.2 sets the stage for what is coming and there is a lot to learn.  

So sweet dreams and know that sometimes a glass of wine is just a glass of wine : )

Namaste,

Catherine

For an overview of the people in Zuri's life go here:
http://theyogabag.blogspot.com/p/zuris-people-overview-of-poeple-is.html

Loving-Kindness for Your Anxiety about Difficult People

Loving-Kindness for Your Anxiety about Difficult People

                                                                                                                        

Zuri Struggles with a Girl at School

Zuri is very sweet. Perhaps, she knows, she is what people call “Too nice.” It’s hard for her because she feels what others are feeling. She really does. When someone is hurting, she knows it. When someone is mad, she feels it. Sometimes she pretends this is her super power, a super powered ability to feel the feelings of others. Many times, she doesn’t like this gift she has. It is a lot to take in everyday. It also makes it difficult for her to pay attention her own feelings and needs. The result is Zuri feeling very anxious.

There are certain people who trigger her more than others. At school, there is a girl in her grade, eighth grade, which has it hard at home. Her name is Jayla. Jayla lives with her grandmother. Zuri isn’t sure but she thinks Jayla’s older brother is at the alternative school for kids with behavior problems and things like that. She doesn’t know much about Jayla’s parents but she heard a rumor that Jalya’s mom overdosed two years ago.

Zuri and Jayla don’t get along. Jayla is hard on Zuri. She teases her and bullies her. Zuri knows what Jayla has been through and struggles to speak up to Jayla or tell on her. She sits near Jayla in some classes and has heard her crying with her head in her folded arms on the desk. Zuri has tried to be kind, supportive, and nice. When she smiles at Jayla, Jayla looks at her and says, “What? What do you want?” and then shakes her head, “Stupid, Zuri, you are so stupid.”

At night, Zuri worries about Jayla for two reasons. First, she gets stressed about what Jayla will say to her tomorrow. Second, she worries that Jayla might not be okay. She does not know what to do. She figures she might read some of the stuff in the yoga bag, maybe there is something in there….

I am hoping she finds the loving-kindness meditation. As she flips through my journal, I pray hard that she sees it. Ahhhh. She does. Zuri begins to read the section on loving-kindness. I ran into this in yoga training and then again teaching a class called, The Mindful Therapist at the University. I love it. I am so happy Zuri found it.

She reads my notes. They tell her to sit in a comfortable place. She snuggles into her bed, pillows around her hips, legs cross. She thinks, “All set.” Then, the notes tell her to focus on her breath, her belly, and observe as she breathes. She does this. She follows all of the breathing instructions.*

Next, the notes explain that she can speak or think (inner speaking) the phrases:

May I be safe.

May I be healthy.

May I have ease of the body and mind.

May I be at peace.

Next, she is asked to expand her field of loving-kindness outside of herself:

May the people who take care of me be safe.

May the people who take care of me be healthy.

May the people who take care of me have ease of the body and mind.

May the people who take care of me be at peace.

She is then asked to further expand her field of loving-kindness in this way:

May those I love be safe.

May those I love be healthy.

May those I love have ease of mind and body.

May those I love be at peace.

Further, she expands her field of loving-kindness to those she feels neutrally about (neither likes or dislikes-- acquaintances you see at the store once in a while or the new crossing guard on the way to school):

May my acquaintances be safe.

May my acquaintances be healthy.

May my acquaintances have ease of the mind and body.

May my acquaintances be at peace.

This last one will be harder for her. The notes ask her to think about someone that is difficult in her life and expand the field of loving-kindness to him or her.

Zuri knows this means Jayla.

May Jayla be safe.

May Jayla be healthy.

May Jayla have ease of the body and mind.

May Jayla be at peace.

Zuri says that one twice. It actually felt good and she felt stronger.

The notes then direct her to extend her field of loving-kindness outward even further. To the whole earth, to the solar system and then to the universe. Wow! Zuri felt strong and wonderful.

Next, day, she Zuri sees Jayla and feels the loving-kindness, no worries, no stress, just the loving-kindness. Jayla says, “What? What do you want?” and Zuri smiles and keeps walking to class in her breath and in her loving-kindness.

The Process:

These instructions are paraphrased from a wonderful text/workbook that is strongly recommended by me for you. It is called, A Mindfulness Stress Reduction Workbook by Stahl & Goldstein (New Harbinger Press).* You can purchase it on amazon.com or any other web-based book store or order it through your local book store.  The text gives you step-by-step instructions on many mindful techniques that can ease stress in your life with effective tools.

The loving-kindness meditation is a tool that can really help your stress associated with difficult people. No matter where you work of how many people are in your circle of family, you will, no doubt, for sure, run into people that trigger you (you probably trigger them too- really you probably do). This meditation  returns you to openness, strength, and flexibility in the relationship and out of reaction.

I respect Zuri. She does better than I do at these things. Loving-kindness practice is challenging. When I am feeling discouraged, I remind myself that this is a practice. With practice, you get stronger, better, and more effective. Just like self-love, our love for, and being with others, is a practice. The loving-kindness meditation keeps us in good intention and headed in the right direction.

Namaste,

Catherine

*Stahl, B., & Goldstein, E. (2010). A mindfulness-based stress reduction workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Press.

For an overview of people in Zuri's life go here:
http://theyogabag.blogspot.com/p/zuris-people-overview-of-poeple-is.html